2012-04-28

3 thoughts from a bum

Just thinking.

1 - Pilot.  Pontius.  The guy has always fascinated me.  His interaction with Jesus covers so many different aspects of life.  Here he is presented with the Truth to which he, in an almost heart breaking display of despair, responds:

"Pilate saith unto him, What is truth? And when he had said this, he went out again unto the Jews, and saith unto them, I find in him no fault at all." (John 18:38)

Did the man have slumped shoulders as if resigned to the conclusion that Truth did not exist? Even in the man before him who, in direct opposition to the very idea, claimed to BE that Truth. Surely he couldn't have had disdain on his face, or looked down his nose at Jesus to then proceed so vigorously to use what power he had to try to free Jesus.

He has been presented with something he had thought lost but cannot allow himself to believe it.  It feels so very close to home in so many of the debates I've had and read about; what do you do when presented with something you don't believe in.  How would you react in Pilots position? You are not Jewish, you do not have those beliefs, and yet you would have to give up everything should it turn out to be true.  It's hard.  Circumstantially it couldn't have gone any other way, so you wonder about the fate of Pilot.  Where does his soul rest now?  Did he later come to recognize Truth or not?

It's like he is the epitome of trying to DO the right thing, to do what seems BEST, even when it goes against what you know is RIGHT. If that make any sense ^_^ Maybe I connect with Pilot on some level.  I mean who doesn't, right; the guy has to make a choice - it's the same choice everyone comes to at some point.  "Is there a God?"  At least it sure seems to me like everyone has to face that question.  How does your own life grind against that question? The pressures of social expectations or your own personal goals; whatever you think you need to accomplish in life before you die.  What of it all when faced with what might just be the Truth.

2 - Communion - God HAD a body to break.  Think about that.  It just hit me today.  The creator of everything.  Indescribable.  Perfection.  Is 3 entities; able to have a relationship with himself. Yet He takes on the form of His creation so that he may have the qualities that allow himself to be broken, so that we might understand our purpose; where we come from and where we are headed.

The creator of suffering, took on a form so that He might suffer.

mind=blown.

3 - i forgot.




2012-02-20

Thoughts on God

"[Which] Man is the measure of all things" -Protagoras, modified =)


Religion. Theology. God. What's the point right? Does metaphysics or the supernatural or the divine need be studied? Obviously I am going to shout, "Absolutely!" because I have never had a discussion that didn't come back to theological concepts (and by theology I do not mean the modern term it's come mean; the study of religion [which, like a Democrat or Republican, is really just a label for a group of people's attempt to find the Truth through explaining the human problems of existence]. Instead I mean the more classical Grecian intent of the word meaning discourse of God). From abstract concepts being applied to social problems to the Theory of Evolution; there are certain foundations that I feel must be answered for a discussion to hold water.


Most important of these questions, I feel, is to answer the question, "Why?" Without answering this question first you will find all your dialogues to be mere excursions into the world of elitism, bickering back and fourth about peripheral issues gathering whatever information you can do disprove another idea (which in my experience you're able to find conflicting reports and resources on just about anything).


Now, I'm a Christian and some people think that means I instantly have a problem with science. I don't. Only when it is being used to further ones own interests do I take up arms because you are at that point not being scientific. Science seeks the Truth. Most of the time I believe people think of science in terms of Naturalism and the closed system that it demands, but really the goal of any branch of science is to find the Truth. Most of the sciences in the framework of Naturalism tend to find lots and lots of answers to, "How?" and that's fine, but it has no place in trying to find the answer to, "Why?" I can't help but conclude that the misidentification of the two questions is why Naturalism and Theology are often such combustible subjects; Truth is unavoidably exclusive and if not thought about with proper regard people get insulted, passions flare and miscommunication seems to reach unimaginable heights.


So, why are we alive? Why is the universe spinning about? Before diving into my own reasonings I think there's a discussion to be had on its' significance. A lot of people I've talked to over the years are under the impression that there doesn't have to be a purpose or meaning behind the existence of the universe and that life exists at all is merely happenstance and blind chance. The idea is that the very concept of meaning is a human one and therefore we are set to task at identifying meaning in our own individual lives. If that were true then history tells us we're all screwed. Read this quote by English journalist Steve Turner from "Creed."


"If chance be the father of all flesh, disaster is his rainbow in the sky. And when you hear "state of emergency," "sniper kills ten," "troops on rampage," "bomb blasts school," it is but the sound of man worshipping his maker."


You see? If life had no meaning and I come to your house, point a gun to your head, and tie you up while I chop off your arms and legs you're suddenly going to have a change of heart and the first thing out of you're mouth is going to be, "*WHY* are you doing this to me?" If I take you to a hospital so that you do not die you may come to any one of a myriad different explanations, however, if life is meaningless then so is any attempt to rationalize human behavior beyond, "[He/I] wanted to."** One isn't even allowed to conclude that life isn't fair because even that is a contradiction; fairness by definition means one "thing" is right and another is wrong. Right and wrong do not belong in a meaningless world of chaos and chance where "things" happen and humanity decides wether to call it good or bad; and again we are left asking…which human; for surely there can be only one ruleset, one dictionary to define these terms if the goal is perfection and Truth. You cannot have differing definitions of what is good without an impenetrable isolation of cultures.


An interesting idea that. Separate cultures into isolation zones each with it's own moral code. You could essentially congregate an infinite number of moral petri dishes…but even then if the codices of "Zone 24" end up with their population extinct because of disease and "Zone 25" produces people that are never ill, one must conclude which is more preferable and in so doing you're back at the beginning. It's endless. For there to be any real order there must be some absolute ruleset that exists which results in perfection. It must be eternal and it must be as True as 1+1=2.


**Maybe there is another rationalization here but I do not see it. This "[He/I] wanted to" explanation is in itself faulty from where I sit because there are many instinctual habits and desires that are truly Good and, in my opinion, a reflection of the nature of God. One of these is compassion. What purpose does it serve in a world where evolution demands only the strong survive? Why do I feel so strongly that I *am* my brothers keeper? In the confines of evolution I might see logic in the argument that compassion arises from our realization some millennia ago that I am stronger in a group, a community. This comes close I think but doesn't fit well because if I realize my need for "strength in numbers" as it were I would be angry, not compassionate, at the shortcomings of those I have selected to join my organization.


So meaningless from where I sit is an excuse to justify that pipe dream humanity holds of complete autonomy. It doesn't fit into reality but we want it to oh so badly.


This leads me to my second point on why I don't think you can rationally believe that the Universe has no meaning; environmental suffering. From killer bacteria and viruses that kill and maim, to hurricanes and tsunami's; global warming and the human races impact on it's environment might be increasing the frequency and magnitude of these events but they've been around for all of recorded history and before. These events shape the very earth that gives us life. So here we humans are, the only species to be given (or if you prefer for the time being, evolved) cognitive function and self-realization living in a world where quite literally EVERYTHING causes us suffering.


Why? Is the price of our cognition the understanding and torment of suffering? Its' opposite is pleasure, so maybe we evolved our sentience in pursuit of pleasure and ended up with a bag full of suffering to deal with whenever pleasure wasn't around. That seems like a big mistake to me. If our lives are meaningless then nature made a wrong turn in allowing us the cognitive abilities we have because throughout human history we are taught over and over again that when humans reach out to grab hold of pleasure they leave a wake of suffering behind them.


So what's the purpose of understanding purpose? Naturalistically speaking. As a Christian my purpose is given by God; in His workings in my heart, my perception of the universe, my dealings with other people, and serving Him. However I fail to see one in the realm of naturalism. Imagine you were given the choice between suffering and pleasure; even the masochist who may chose suffering does so because it is PLEASURABLE to them! If purpose and meaning is merely a balm to ease our suffering, a mentally evolved soma, then humanity is about as important as a blade of grass. A particle of dust floating in space however does *not* explain why we have the faculties we do. At best it sets up a partial framework for the intrinsic worth of life by way of, "you are important to me, only in so far as you are able to help me" which falls short of reality.


My conclusion? I am not the end of the equation. We can and do ask, "why" because God wants us to answer that question with His name. His son. He has given us the ability to chose right from wrong; has put causality in our minds and suffering in our lives because He, the author of life, understands that chosen love for our creator is more powerful than anything else we can experience. I do not believe that there is sufficient explanation available in a closed system without God to explain why I want so badly to be loved. Why the weak and broken in this world tug at my heart. Why I am surprised by the passing of time. Why I feel such revulsion towards chaos and destruction. Why I get such pleasure at watching others succeed.


It is how we are MADE. Of all I've ever learned these traits do not come about in an evolutionary life-system. Survival of the fittest has no room for compassion.


"If I have told you earthly things, and ye believe not, how shall ye believe, if I tell you of heavenly things?" - John 3:12


I know I'm only 27 years old. The last 3 years of my life have been lived in extreme isolation because of my "medicine" -.0 I have read the Bible many times over and I've studied the philosophies of Buddhism and some of the Islamic faith. I've some understanding of faiths outside of my own, enough to know that they are indeed NOT as similar as everyone who doesn't want to believe in one says they are. But in every instance of learning about another person or groups attempt at explaining these questions of existence and humanity I do not see the completeness that I do in Christian faith. No other explanations come so close to the human heart, our suffering (in which God Himself took on completely), our moral dilemmas and temptations as we find in the Word of God. We find purpose, explanation, hope, and comfort that is attainable and applicable in the reality that we are currently living in.


Thoughts and musings from myself and others.


-"You don't have a soul. You are a soul.You have a body." - C.S.Lewis


-"He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end." -Ecclesiates 3:11


-“But I don't want comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin.” - Aldous Huxley


-"In speaking of this desire for our own far-off country, which we find in ourselves even now, I feel a certain shyness. I am almost committing an indecency. I am trying to rip open the inconsolable secret in each one of you—the secret which hurts so much that you take your revenge on it by calling it names like Nostalgia and Romanticism and Adolescence; the secret also which pierces with such sweetness that when, in very intimate conversation, the mention of it becomes imminent, we grow awkward and affect to laugh at ourselves; the secret we cannot hide and cannot tell, though we desire to do both. We cannot tell it because it is a desire for something that has never actually appeared in our experience. We cannot hide it because our experience is constantly suggesting it, and we betray ourselves like lovers at the mention of a name. Our commonest expedient is to call it beauty and behave as if that had settled the matter. Wordsworth’s expedient was to identify it with certain moments in his own past. But all this is a cheat. If Wordsworth had gone back to those moments in the past, he would not have found the thing itself, but only the reminder of it; what he remembered would turn out to be itself a remembering. The books or the music in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them, it only came through them, and what came through them was longing. These things—the beauty, the memory of our own past—are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers. For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited. " -C.S. Lewis


-"Lets say a mathematician wants to start his own branch of mathematics where 1+1=4 and gravity falls a good bit slower than 9.8m/s2. They can go right ahead and do so, but in the end it doesn't have any correlation to the world you and I live in."


-"An interesting line of thinking that branches off in my mind: If the second law of thermodynamics states that, roughly from my understanding, the universe is ever moving onward toward the entropic death of inefficiency then how has this biological system come to contradict that law so thoroughly in the theory of evolution? Physics says that things are perpetually deteriorating, yet evolution claims the pathway to life. It confuses me but maybe I'm not understanding things clearly. "


That's all for now. I do wish for input and maybe urge you to post up if you have problems with my logic or if i'm unclear (as unfortunately happens a lot these days ^o^)



2012-02-17

How de doo?


How do I sleep, when I can't sleep?

How do I heal, when I'm broken?

How do I live, when I feel like I'm dying?

How do I laugh, when my brain is crying?

How do I properly make fresh sourdough rounds?

I started writing an essay or sorts about some of the logical paths behind my love of Christ and have come to the conclusion that my mind is slightly obsessive about answering why, and severely deficient at answering the question how.

Also:

What if God was the singularity; all matter, all energy, bound to one singular immeasurable point in time. His outpouring of love then, we have called the big bang.

cancer's gone again. =)


2011-08-27

HrmmmNrmmm

So I got a message on my Tumblr from someone who was raising awareness about teen suicide. In which I was immediately remind of a senior my freshman year at Stetson who hung himself in his dorm room. I remember how blown away everyone was because he was a Music major; I believe he was a harpsichordist and pianist? I remember seeing him around but didn't know the guy. Then a couple years later someone shot themselves outside of the music school.

I hadn't thought about these two things since they happened. And then I got this tumblr message asking me to promote suicide awareness to help struggling teens seek help before they seek the end, yea? It's kind of crazy that the age group for most suicides is 18-25 but I guess it makes sense because... well I just saw this movie and there was a great line in it.

"I guess I was just too young to know you can get over anything."

The movie was Paper Man with Jason (Ryan?) Reynolds, Jeff Daniels and Emma Stone. It was a strange movie...I guess it was good, but that line WAS the movie.

Anyway, I think that that's true for younger kids, and per my post on our current "safety society", I think that we DON'T really understand that we can get over anything. We don't give ourselves enough credit. I was just talking with a friend about how, in the Christian faith, you can very easily lose yourself and your confidence because you are sort of always aware of your shortcomings. I know a lot of people pretty much hate the Catholic church because of memories of Sisters or Preachers condemning them to hell and an eternity of suffering!! But, when the hershey hits the fan we sort of do that to ourselves anyway (which is why we don't really need the reminder IMHO...)

Anyway I'm derailing- I bring that up because just this morning I was reading 2Corinthians and Paul is talking specifically about this problem. Our innate sense of guilt. Here (chapter 4?) he was talking about a guy that was told to leave the church because he was unrepentant of some big sin (I'd love to hear your thoughts on this in the comments!) and post expulsion had really turned his life around. Paul was telling them to let him back into fellowship, forgive, live in the Spirit and in harmony because you can drive a man insane with guilt.

But guilt isn't there to make us feel bad. It's there so that we can experience the Joy that God wants us to. It's the yin/yang, +/- of life. It all goes back to why we suffer at all. Without the knowledge of our inadequacies, how can we truly appreciate what was done for us at Calvary. Even if you're not a Christian and you make your own moral compass, you can appreciate what was done. Imagine what Christians feel when we think of the Almighty God, creator of the universe, doing that because he loves you and he just wants to talk =)

"I guess I was just too young to know you can get over anything."


2011-08-19

WHAT?! sleep and games? sure they don't go together

I'm still not sleeping.

It sucks. I mean maybe it doesn't suck, I'm not a huge fan of sleep. But I know I need it. It's important to sleep. Maybe I wouldn't have some of the problems I do have if I were able to sleep more. But whatever. It's not that bad because I don't feel tired. Maybe it's a sign that I'm too inactive? I'm workin on that! I can finally do qigong again. Sort of. But it's a huge improvement over the pukish, nausea that I used to get a few weeks ago.

But one positive of waking up super early is that I feel like reading The Bible. AND Matthew Henry's commentary. 0.o I have always read my Bible every day...until I started chemo. I figured God understood the breaks. I would try to get back into it but these last years it's been intermediate at best. So it's nice to finally have the concentration to really read it again with some sort of regularity.

This morning I read 1Corinthians 10. Paul really has it out for these guys =) but ch.10 was a flip in tone and pretty interesting.

"I speak as to wise men; judge ye what I say. The cup of blessing which we bless, is it not the communion of the blood of Christ? The bread which we break, is it not the communion of the body of Christ? For we being many are one bread, and one body: for we are all partakers of that one bread. Behold Israel after the flesh: are the which eat of the sacrifices partakers of the altar? What say I then? that the idol is any thing, or that which is offered in sacrifice to idols is any thing? But I say , that the things which the Gentiles sacrifice, they sacrifice to devils, and not to God: and I would not that ye should have fellowship with devils. Ye cannot drink the cup of the Lord, and the cup of devils: ye cannot be partakers of the Lord's table, and of the table of devils. Do we provoke the Lord to jealousy? are we stronger than he? All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not. Let no man seek his own, but every man another's wealth." 1Corinthians 10:15-24

Maybe I thought it was interesting because of a recent conversation I had with a friend. But I think what Paul talks about here is pretty profound because he's laying out how we as Christians are all unified. Like the spiritual atheist you know, or the Buddhist monk you once met, he's telling us and reminding us that we're all in the same boat.

But he makes a distinction about what we're doing in that boat. (There's some good history here so read up if interested, or post a comment and I'll do my best to explain what I've garnered). On one hand, let's bring this into the present, the Christian is sacrificing his life for God. Ideally, everything we do we dedicate to God. Our souls have been transferred into the very hands of God. GOD! So we should act like it. Show some respect! Right? But on the other we live in a very non-God world. How do we reconcile these? Run away from anyone that you haven't met in Church? Well Jesus SPEWS FROM HIS MOUTH the 'lukewarm' Christians...

Maybe I should quote more because in the previous chapters Paul stresses the importance of how there is no reason to separate ourselves as Christians from the rest of the world. It's almost un-Biblical if not impossible.

"To those not having the law I became like one not having the law (though I am not free from God’s law but am under Christ’s law), so as to win those not having the law. To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some. " 1Corinthians 9:21/22

Wait, now it sounds like in Ch.10 he's contradicting what he said in Ch.9. How can you not drink of the table of "devil's" yet "[be] all things to all people?" Simple. He's talking about the heart. What is going on inside. Ya know, the only thing that MATTERS to God ;)

I fear that too many Christians, and non-Christians that read parts of the Bible like what Paul is talking about here, get upset about this 'segregation' that comes up with Christians and you heathen beasts (teeheehee). I just don't think that segregation should exist. I don't think that's the intent.

"Let no man seek his own, but every man another's wealth."

That's probably the point of the whole thing. Not money, but the wealth of the individual. Their spiritual, physical, and mental wealth. Love them. Don't shun them.

Ya know in my head this whole post was a lot shorter, concise, and well executed. I hope you get something out of it. I read it now and it sounds like I'm painfully confused....

Also, I wanted to talk about GAMES. I've been playing more lately. Actually I've been DOING more lately. I finished editing my graphic novel (again). I split the big single volume into 3 smaller parts. It works a lot better this way. Hopefully I've improved my characters too because, as a writer..well I'm not a writer. I'm pretty terrible.

I started collaborating with a guy in France, Jean-Baton. That's been AWESOME. I hope we keep writing stuff, it's really great. Maybe we'll get a single out for you guys to hear.

But GAMES! I've got all these games that I've never been able to finish so I'm going through and playing through them. Manly because there are a bunch of games coming down the horizon that I'm really excited about. FireFall, a free FPSMMO entering invite-beta at the end of the month looks to mix Tribes with Borderlands in a persistent online world.

And speaking of Tribes, we get a free Tribes too!!!!

Not to mention the upcoming Diablo 3, Deus Ex, DOTA2... it's all a bit much. so I need to catch up whilst I can! But being productive is getting in the way! =) ha, that's the best thing ever!

peace love and chicken bacon! ew that sounds gross.